Making the Most of Your Holidays: Using DBT’s Cope Ahead Skill to Navigate Seasonal Stress

The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and gratitude. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with loved ones and create lasting memories. Yet, for many, this time of year can also bring stress, especially with the pressure to meet expectations, navigate family dynamics, or manage the busyness of the season. Whether it’s dealing with tense conversations, planning gatherings, or balancing personal responsibilities, the holidays can feel overwhelming.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can prepare yourself to handle potential stressors while still embracing the beauty of the season. One DBT skill in particular can help you face the holidays with greater ease and confidence: Cope Ahead.

What Is the Cope Ahead Skill?

The Cope Ahead skill is a proactive approach to managing difficult situations. It involves planning ahead for challenges that might arise and rehearsing how you will handle them, so you’re less likely to feel blindsided or overwhelmed. Think of it as a mental dress rehearsal that equips you with the tools you need to respond skillfully, even under pressure.

Key Steps to Using Cope Ahead:

1. Describe: Identify a specific scenario that could be stressful. Use Check the Facts—observe and describe the situation without judgment. Note the emotions and behaviors that might interfere with acting effectively.
   
   
2. Decide: Clarify what you want to achieve and which skills you’ll use to cope with strong emotions or urges. Be specific about how you’ll use these skills.
   
   
3. Imagine the Situation: Picture yourself in the scenario as vividly as possible—sights, sounds, and emotions included.
   
   
4. Rehearse Coping Effectively: Visualize yourself using skills successfully. Imagine what you’ll do and say, even in challenging situations.
   
   
5. Practice Relaxation: After imagining, take a break and use relaxation or self-soothing techniques to reset.
   

Using Cope Ahead for the Holidays

1. Describe: You know family gatherings often involve heated discussions. Your uncle tends to make strong statements that clash with your values, and you worry it could spark an argument.

• Check the Facts: It’s a family gathering, not a debate. People may have strong opinions, and conversations can get tense.
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• Emotions/Behaviors to Address: Frustration or anger might tempt you to argue or leave abruptly.‍

2. Decide: What do you want to accomplish? e.g. Stay calm, maintain harmony, and preserve relationships. After deciding, you can pick which skills you'll use from the suggestions below.‍

• STOP Skill: Pause, breathe, and step back mentally.
  
  
• DEAR MAN: Redirect conversation or set boundaries politely. Check out this IG reel for an example of how I implement DEAR MAN.
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• ‍Opposite Action: Choose not to engage in the argument.
  

• Self-Soothe: Keep something comforting nearby to ground yourself.‍
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• Specific Plan: Focus on deep breathing. Respond neutrally and shift the topic if political discussions arise.

3. Imagine the Situation: Picture the gathering: the chatter, laughter, and tension. Notice feelings rising, but see yourself breathing deeply and remaining composed.‍

4. Rehearse Coping Effectively: Imagine responding with a calm tone: “We’ve had enough politics—let’s enjoy dessert!” Visualize maintaining boundaries without escalating conflict.

5. Practice Relaxation: Take a moment for yourself—splash water on your face, do progressive muscle relaxation, or visualize a peaceful scene to reset.

Now It’s Your Turn: Try Our Interactive Cope Ahead Exercise Below!

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Additional Skills to Have in Your Toolbox

While Cope Ahead is powerful, these DBT skills can also help you thrive during the holidays:

• DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST: Communicate effectively, maintain relationships, and preserve self-respect.
  
  
• Opposite Action: Counter holiday irritability by engaging in activities aligned with joy and connection. See my IG reel here for details and examples on how to use Opposite Action.
  
  
• Self-Soothing with the Five Senses: Ground yourself when emotions run high.
  
  
• Radical Acceptance: Accept what you cannot change to reduce unnecessary suffering.

Check out the IG reel below where I walk you through three DBT skills to help manage overwhelm during the holidays.

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Your Holiday DBT Toolkit

With the holidays here, now is the perfect time to review and practice these skills. You can find guidance on these and other DBT skills in our DBT Pocket Guide.

Remember, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By planning ahead and equipping yourself with effective skills, you can navigate challenges with grace and truly savor the season. If you ever need some help getting back on track, check out our holiday song below to tap into Wise Mind!

This December, take a moment to practice gratitude—for your resilience, growth, and the connections that make the holidays special. Wishing you a peaceful and fulfilling holiday season!

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