How Stories of Suffering Can Make Us More Grateful — and When They Don’t

Have you ever found yourself feeling thankful for your own life after reading a news story about people facing hardships halfway across the world? Psychologists call this “downward comparison,” and it’s a normal part of how we make sense of our place in the world. But the effects are mixed: exposure to suffering can inspire gratitude and generosity, or it can leave us feeling guilty, numb, or overwhelmed.

At TheraHive, we teach Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—a skills-based program designed to help people navigate difficult emotions, relationships, and internal conflicts. A core idea in DBT is dialectics: the ability to hold two truths at once. For example, “I’m fortunate” and “Others are suffering” can both be true. Rather than trying to cancel out one feeling with the other, DBT invites us to hold both and respond with wisdom and compassion. This article explores how that perspective applies to how we process stories of hardship, and how we can turn that awareness into a balanced, resilient mindset.

When seeing someone worse off makes us feel fortunate

A core idea in social psychology is that we evaluate ourselves by comparing to others. When the comparison is with someone who is worse off—a “downward comparison”—we often end up feeling luckier. A social psychology textbook notes that such comparisons can enhance our self-evaluation and appreciation of what we have. This effect isn’t just theoretical. In a widely cited study, people who kept gratitude journals—simple lists of things they were thankful for compared with others—reported increased positive emotions, better sleep, and improved physical health.

A similar process occurs when we imagine how much worse things could have been. Researchers describe this as counterfactual thinking. In one study with adolescents, participants read stories about someone receiving good news. When those stories included a comparison to someone less fortunate or highlighted how things might have turned out worse, readers felt more grateful. In other words, deliberately considering “it could have been me” can increase appreciation for what we have.

The double-edged sword of empathy and exposure

While thoughtful exposure can increase gratitude, simply flooding ourselves with images of suffering is not the answer. Constant doomscrolling—endlessly scrolling through distressing news or social media—can overload our brain’s emotional circuits. According to mental health experts, repeated exposure to traumatic stories overstimulates our mirror neurons and limbic system, leading to compassion fatigue, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of helplessness.

The feeling that we don’t deserve our own comfort can also morph into what some call privilege guilt. Psychologists note that heightened awareness of global suffering, especially through social media, can make people feel ashamed or anxious about their good fortune. This guilt tends to spike around personal celebrations (“How can I enjoy my birthday when others are in crisis?”) and may lead people to suppress their own joy or live in a constant state of worry. News coverage during the holidays has highlighted how this type of guilt can weigh heavily on mental health.

Finally, there’s growing evidence that heavy consumption of negative news can hurt mental health. According to the American Psychological Association, frequent exposure to distressing media during the pandemic was linked to increased emotional distress, including anxiety, depression, and symptoms of trauma. Simply put, more exposure to suffering doesn’t automatically build gratitude; sometimes it just makes us feel worse.

This interview with Dr. Laurie Santos, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and cognitive science at Yale University and a leading researcher on happiness and fulfillment, explores this issue in detail:

Dialectics in DBT: Holding Opposites at Once

This is where DBT’s concept of dialectics becomes especially helpful. In DBT, we learn to recognize that life often contains contradictions—and that embracing these tensions rather than choosing sides is a path to emotional freedom.

In this context, dialectics means holding two truths at once: we can feel deep empathy for people who are suffering, while also feeling grateful for what we have. One doesn’t cancel out the other. DBT encourages us not to suppress difficult feelings like guilt or overwhelm in order to feel gratitude, nor to drown in despair and forget the goodness in our lives. Instead, both experiences are valid—and can be used to guide skillful, compassionate action.

Finding balance: turning awareness into action

So how can we stay informed and compassionate without getting overwhelmed? DBT offers a number of practical tools that can help:

1. Curate your news diet. Psychologists recommend limiting news consumption and avoiding “doomscrolling.” Turn off automatic notifications, schedule specific times to catch up on news, and choose sources that provide context and hope.
2. Practice gratitude intentionally. Instead of passively scrolling through others’ misfortunes, actively reflect on what you’re thankful for. Writing a few sentences each day about positive things can strengthen resilience and perspective.
3. Channel empathy into action. If stories of suffering make you feel guilty or helpless, look for ways to help. Volunteering, donating, or raising awareness turns empathy into purposeful action and reduces the sense of helplessness.
4. Recognize signs of compassion fatigue. Feeling chronically numb or irritable after consuming upsetting content may signal burnout. Take breaks, talk with friends or a professional, and focus on activities that replenish your energy.
5. Use DBT skills to navigate complex emotions. Skills like Wise Mind (balancing emotion and reason), Radical Acceptance (acknowledging what is without resistance), and Opposite Action (choosing behavior that aligns with values) can help you process the tension between compassion and gratitude with clarity and calm.
   

Takeaway

Exposure to people who are less fortunate can indeed make us feel more grateful for our own lives—when that exposure is thoughtful and balanced. Using tools like gratitude journaling and mindful reflection, we can transform our awareness of suffering into empathy and appreciation. DBT helps us go one step further: it teaches us how to hold difficult and uplifting truths at the same time. With skills and support, we can build both resilience and compassion, without sacrificing our mental health.

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