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Struggling to say "no"? Torn between your needs and the urge to please others? You're not alone. Many of us navigate the tightrope of interpersonal relationships, often swaying towards accommodating others at the expense of our own boundaries. This is where the Dime Game comes into play—a simple yet powerful tool designed within the framework of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to bolster your confidence in making assertive yes or no decisions.
TheraHive offers a FREE Interactive Dime Game experience you can use online whenever you have a pressing decision to make — but first, why is the Dime Game so important?
The People-Pleasing Paradox
Kiki Fehling, PhD, a frequent collaborator with TheraHive and a sage in the field of psychology and DBT, sheds light on the complexity of people-pleasing in her article on Psychology Today. Fehling explains, "People-pleasing is the tendency to prioritize and accommodate the needs of other people. It includes difficulties saying no, expressing honest opinions, or asking for help when needed. These behaviors can cause major problems". This tendency, while seemingly altruistic, springs from a deep-rooted fear of rejection and disappointment, leading to a myriad of negative outcomes such as burnout, resentment, and a sense of inauthenticity. The key to overcoming this, as Fehling suggests, is to challenge these fears directly.
Enter the Dime Game
The Dime Game, emerging from DBT's interpersonal effectiveness module, is designed to aid individuals in assessing how intensely to ask for something or to say no. By guiding you through a series of 10 simple yes-or-no questions, it calculates your answers to suggest a "level of intensity" for asserting yourself in any given situation. It's a practical approach to gauge whether it's appropriate to assert your needs and to what extent.
Each time you answer ‘yes’ to one of the 10 questions, you get a dime. The closer you get to a full dollar at the end, the more assertive you should be in making or declining this request.
As Kiki Fehling notes, "While the skill was not created for this use, I have found the dime game to be incredibly helpful to use as a 'gut check' with my clients who struggle with people-pleasing" This validation from a seasoned practitioner underscores the versatility and effectiveness of the Dime Game in real-world scenarios.
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How to Use the Dime Game
Curious about how to leverage this tool? Fret not. TheraHive offers an interactive Dime Game tool absolutely free. Here's a glimpse into what to expect:
- Assessment Through Questions: Reflect on your situation and answer the Dime Game's 10 simple questions, focusing on aspects like capability, priorities, self-respect, and rights, among others.
- Intensity Level Calculation: Based on your responses, the game calculates an intensity level for your assertion, guiding you on whether and how firmly to make or decline the request that’s on your mind
- Actionable Insights: With its recommendations, the Dime Game not only aids in decision-making but also serves as a confidence booster for those hesitant to assert their needs.
Thanks to this tool, you’ll not only get clarity on what decision to make, you’ll validate how firmly you should be in your interpersonal interactions. Get ready to experience confidence and clarity and start getting more of what you want.
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